GOLF JOKES

Two men play up behind two women, one says “I’ll go up and ask if we can play through”
He comes back with eyes as big as saucers “maybe you’d better ask!”  “Why?”  “It’s my
wife, playing with my girlfriend!  Neither one of them knows!”  “I’ll take care of it!”... He
comes back with his eyes huge and says “Small world!”

Tiger Woods is out playing golf when a lightning storm comes in.  He steps up onto a small hill, waving a one iron over his head in the lightning storm.  His caddy runs up saying 'What are you doing?'  He replies 'You see! Not even GOD can hit a one iron!'

God and Saint Peter playing golf, St. Peter opens up with a hole in one. His halo shines a
little bit brighter.  God is trying to tee off, but knocks the ball backwards down a hill. A
rabbit hops out of the woods, grabs the ball, and goes running for it’s hole. A hawk
swoops down grabs the rabbit and flies to 4000 ft.. From nowhere clouds form, lightning strikes the hawk, drops the rabbit, drops the ball, plunk, a hole in one.  St. Peter turns to God and says, “Okay now, are you going to play golf or are you going to screw around?”

A man having a terrible day of golf, hitting balls everywhere. On the 7th hole a police man comes up and asks “Back on the fourth hole did you knock a ball over that fence?”  “I might have”  “Well that ball hit a car windshield, caused a massive traffic accident, and six people are dead”  The guy is stunned ...”Oh my god! What do I do?”  The policeman says, “Well now, you’re slicing it... Bring your knees together, and one hand over the opposite thumb...”

A beautiful Saturday and the Rabbi can’t resist... He goes out on the Sabbath to play golf. The angels up at Gods side: “Hey look, it’s Rabbi Schmitz! He’s Playing golf on the
Sabbath!”  God replies “I see him.”  The Rabbi hits a hole in one.  The angels protest, “I thought you said you saw... But it’s the Sabbath & he’s playing golf, and you give him a hole in one! Why?”  God turns with a smile and says “So who’s he gonna tell?”

A lady goes into the clubhouse at the golf course, “I’ve just been stung by a bee!”
“Where were you stung?”
“Between the first and second holes!”
“Well then .....  your stance is too wide!”

Jesus and St. Peter playing golf, and Jesus is having a terrible day, but insists on playing the ball out of the woods, out of the sand trap, over and over, always saying the same thing “Tiger Woods plays them where they lay, I play them where they lay”  Finally he knocks a ball into the water trap.  St. Peter tries to talk him out of it, but he repeats “Tiger Woods plays them where they lay, I play them where they lay”  He walks out on the water, looking for the ball.   A fellow walks up to St. Peter points and says “Hey look at that guy! Walking on water... Who does he think he is... Jesus Christ?”  St. Peter sighs and says “No... He Thinks he’s Tiger Woods”