Juggler's World: Vol. 38, No. 3

Ask the Professional

From the JIS archives

by Frank Olivier

(From questions asked at the San Jose convention.)

Dear Professional,
  When can one consider themselves an intermediate juggler?
                A beginner

Dear Beginner,
When you stop signing your name that way. 

Dear Professional,
   Sometimes when I juggle my clubs go too wide, what can I do? Also sometimes they tell me to hurt people. Am I o.k.?

Dear Professional,
I can't tell from your picture if you're a juggler or a salesman for giant grapes. Please explain.
                      Confused

Dear Confused,
Usually the picture is captioned. I thought it would be self-explanatory in a jugglers magazine. I'll consider changing it. 

Dear Professional,
  I have a dream where Robert Nelson (The Butterfly Man) comes to my house. He says I am a close personal friend and also a homosexual. I ask him to leave and he hits me with a styrofoam bat. Is this significant?
    Butterflies in the belfry

Dear Butterflies,
That was no dream. He does that to me too. 

Dear Pro,
In your picture you are holding what appears to be five bowling balls. Can you really juggle all those? If not why is your picture like that?
               --Curious

Dear Curious and all concerned,
The picture shall be replaced in the next edition of Juggler's World magazine. I'm sorry for all the confusion I've caused. 

Dear Professional,
I met a girl the other day who said she was a "Pro" but she didn't juggle at all. What does this mean?
                        An Anonymous Amateur

Dear Anon,
Some juggle, others just seem to jiggle, I haven't figured it out myself yet. 

Dear Professional,
   How can I find the optimum spot on a ball to spin it?
          Wobbly Spinner

Dear Wobbly,
   Try floating it in water, and marking the side that settles upward. Please use only water, syrup makes a mess. 

Dear Professional,
   How do you feel about the Lucas Grand Slam ring?
                  Signed, Who?

Dear Who,
   It's very easy to poke fun at Albert for this. I am adamantly against making fun of Mr. Lucas. However, his project here deserves a little prodding. From my point of view it would be more impressive and less pretentious to create the prize before winning it; it's a little like shooting an arrow, and then naming your target. Juggling is not a real "sport" and trying to promote it to the level of the Superbowl in one step is like trying to get tiddlywinks into the Olympics. 

Dear Pro,
  Who is Bob? What is Bob? And how can I become a Bob juggler?
                A Friend

Dear Friend,
   You have several options: 1) Shave and tattoo your head. 2) Be huge and beat everyone at combat. 3) Change your name (preferably to "Bob") 4) Just bounce up and down while you juggle. 

Dear Professional,
     Is there any chance of having those balls removed from your chest?
            Worried

Dear Everyone!!!
     The picture will change! Now leave me alone about this!